Life is Fragile

Well here we are a good month into 2012 and I know only that my God is in it! 

John & I have been on a roller coaster ride along our Life Journey.  Each day is a new challenge - a challenge to keep a positive, upbeat attitude when utterly exhausted and wrung out physically, mentally & emotionally.   This is not to say that we have given up, not in any way.  I find myself encouraging myself and John with  "we only need to have enough strength for the day, without burdening ourselves with tomorrow."

By the end of February he will be finished with radiation and the 3 chemo treatments to fight this cancer that has invaded his body.   Oh, that it will not be allowed to invade John's personal hope and faith that he WILL conquer this enemy! 

His "enemy" right now seems to be the fear of throwing up whatever he drinks or eats,  nauseation, and lack of sleep every night.   Fear is truly invasive and can rob us of the strength to fight and conquer each day with an attitude of hopefulness.  

What saddens my heart is watching him just sitting there inbetween naps, looking so empty and forlorn.   Today we managed to get out to do some errands and get some much needed groceries after a really hard week.  Just to get him to move forward is hard for me since he's always been the strong one physically!  So you can imagine how this is from his point of view!!  

Having met another man who is going through the same treatment as John has helped him emotionally as they have been able to sit & chat off and on through the week.  What a great place the Odette Cancer Centre at Sunnybrook Hospital is - the staff, Doctors, nurses, volunteers, Pharmacists & the cancer patients!!  Amazing atmosphere that is continually upbeat and sunny - hope radiates throughout just as Radiation zeros in to kill the cancer cells!!  

When the kids/grandkids call or come over, or one of his brothers/sisters calls, he picks up and there is a spring in his step for a few moments.  Then...back to this really quiet man.  Yes, John has always been a quiet man (one of my favorite John Wayne movies is "The Quiet Man" a quiet Irishman!) but of late he'd totally become more talkative and interactive, laughing & just alive!   That's why since last week it's been difficult to watch him become so non-responsive and quiet!   It's a different quiet than what I'm use to in my man...I'll think about how to explain myself at a later time or maybe I have already.  

Here are a couple pictures of my John as he faces loosing his beard of sooooo many years!


    

John having lost some hair on the right side of his beard
where radiation is concentrated.

     After Michelle helped her dad trim his beard!   

He's not lookin' too bad, huh!  My Irishman! 

So, to see his smiling face, twinkling blue/hazel eyes fade whenever we're alone is hard!  He's struggling!   This week's goal is to get more food into him - lost 13 lbs. - build up his strength & energy level so he's able to face the 3rd chemo treatment & the subsequent 7 days of IV fluid treatment with more resilience.  

I take my quiet, meditation time in God's Word and in prayer each day as a priority in my life - without His strength each and every day I wouldn't be able to keep building up John's spirit.  God alone is my strength, my shelter, my Rock and firm foundation - my hope, joy, and peace! 

Well...that's it for today!  Life IS Fragile and not to be taken for granted - Precious that it is!!