And Life Goes On....

As I sit here at my laptop, already feeling the heat of the day washing over me, I feel the urge to put some of my recent thoughts down here.

"God's reality is higher than human expectations - always. 

Raise your expectation to reflect His reality."

Chris Tiegreen ("At His Feet" Devotional Mark 5:21-43") 

How do I do that?  Or do I fall back into a complacent attitude of

 "and life goes on..."? 

It is soooo difficult to maintain the desire to rise above that complacency and raising my expectation to reflect His reality. 

I'm sensing a real spiritual, actually physical, battle going on in my spirit, mind & soul.  Who or what will win the day?  There is rising up in me a deeper, far deeper, hunger to

 "seek His kingdom first and not the things of this world"

(Matthew 6:33).

That desire is the Holy Spirit's work in my spirit, reminding me that I CAN'T fall backwards but need to keep on keeping on, as the saying goes! 

The walk of faith is not an easy one, no matter what some pastors teach.  To grow in that faith, that in Jesus Christ became reality many years ago now, is to also suffer through tribulation, testings, and hardships of many faces.  But, as our pastor and a dearly loved pastor who passed away a couple years ago, said we are responsible for our own spiritual growth.  Responsibility?  To whom? 

It's too easy to believe and live as society teaches that we are only responsible to ourselves and what we decide to do doesn't effect anyone else.  "we are an island onto our self"?  What a lie!  What about our children, if we should be so blessed?  Is it not proven over & over again that children imitate what they see & hear?  Where does our children pick up cursing, rudeness, and a lack of respect?  AND at very young age?  Yes, as a Christian, it's easy to lay our responsibility down to "we are born in sin" and little children reflect that truth. 

Okay..."and life goes on...". 

Responsibility!  So...how does that play itself out within me?  CAN I become complacent?  God Forbid!!! 

Even as I write these thoughts down here, the fight returns!!  Amazing, huh.  I pick up the torch once more and know that it will not be to nothing.  I do have a responsibility to walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh before my God, my family, & my friends.  For the sake of the future generation, my children & grandchildren, may the Faith of my Fathers be evident in my life today, tomorrow and until I leave this world.  It will be my heritage to them and a testimony of God's love, mercy & grace. 

"And life goes on...". 

It is never, never stagnant!  It goes on, yes, but what I decide to do with it is my responsibility and only in this case is it mine alone! 

So I will continue to reach forward

'toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:12-4:1) Amen

Well, this has helped me to be strengthened in the spirit, soul & mind today.  I could continue to praise and worship, glorify and honor my Lord God Almighty and guess, I will just not here...

"and life goes on...". 

God's Blessings,
Jeanine  

Fresh Hope comes with Summerlike days....

Since we've been enjoying such sunny, warm days while still being in March, my spirit is lifted and hope renewed.

Today, a month since John's last treatment for cancer, he made his first trip outside to do his own banking and picking up the paper.  I am still doing the driving and he had the trip well mapped out for an easy time of it.  I believe the warmer days and bright sunshine has helped to renew his spirit and fresh hope.  My role is one of encourager and supporter.  Encouraging him by reaffirming that he HAS gotten stronger, he CAN eat everything now, and to allow his mind to accept the fact he ISN'T throwing up anymore!  Anyone who has experienced such a traumaticly stressed time of their body sinking so low and being so weak understands the mental and emotional changes.  It has been really a difficult period for my husband!  Bring on the SPRING! For with the spring season comes fresh hope and renewal, that which was dead now begins to show signs of life anew. 

The weight loss and guantness of his body added a certain amount of distress each day as he looked in the mirror every morning.  Brushing his teeth, rinsing his mouth with soda water which made him vomit, he wondered if he'd ever gain back himself!  The struggle with constipation, bowels backed up, was crippling to his spirit.  There wasn't a part of him unaffected by this cancer and it's treatment! 

BUT NOW, he's eating everything as well as increasing his intake at each meal, we switched soda water to Club Soda, and with eating regular food amd more of it, he's drinking the Boost/Ensure Protein drinks 3-4x/day instead of 6-8x/day.  He's walking stronger and steadier, can speak without slurring and is totally understandable and making sense! 

At one point during these past few weeks I wasn't so gracious and kindhearted.  It was "John I can't make you do what you need to do, so it's now up to you!" This throwing my hands up in the air attitude did get him moving, so guess it wasn't such a bad thing! I thank God that He turned it into something good for John.  I, of course, gently helped him to think things through so that he could make those good choices but didn't take over again! And yes, he did thank me and appreciate my being there every step of the way.  This moment also led us to the opportunity to share our frustrations and pain, and fears for a change.  Fresh hope, renewed life! 

Our future?  We return to the hospital for follow-up appointments with the Specialists as well as tests that will show us the prognosis.   HOPEFUL? YES!  FUTURE? BRIGHT!  Why? Because we still have a God Who loves us and is intimitely involved in the Life process!   WE CHOOSE LIFE!  Spring is shining brightly in my heart & spirit today and my faith is still in the Resurrected Christ Who we celetrate this Season!   To God Be The Glory!!      

Blessed Easter Everyone - We serve a Risen Savior today & every day!   Rejoice evermore! 

Life is Fragile

Well here we are a good month into 2012 and I know only that my God is in it! 

John & I have been on a roller coaster ride along our Life Journey.  Each day is a new challenge - a challenge to keep a positive, upbeat attitude when utterly exhausted and wrung out physically, mentally & emotionally.   This is not to say that we have given up, not in any way.  I find myself encouraging myself and John with  "we only need to have enough strength for the day, without burdening ourselves with tomorrow."

By the end of February he will be finished with radiation and the 3 chemo treatments to fight this cancer that has invaded his body.   Oh, that it will not be allowed to invade John's personal hope and faith that he WILL conquer this enemy! 

His "enemy" right now seems to be the fear of throwing up whatever he drinks or eats,  nauseation, and lack of sleep every night.   Fear is truly invasive and can rob us of the strength to fight and conquer each day with an attitude of hopefulness.  

What saddens my heart is watching him just sitting there inbetween naps, looking so empty and forlorn.   Today we managed to get out to do some errands and get some much needed groceries after a really hard week.  Just to get him to move forward is hard for me since he's always been the strong one physically!  So you can imagine how this is from his point of view!!  

Having met another man who is going through the same treatment as John has helped him emotionally as they have been able to sit & chat off and on through the week.  What a great place the Odette Cancer Centre at Sunnybrook Hospital is - the staff, Doctors, nurses, volunteers, Pharmacists & the cancer patients!!  Amazing atmosphere that is continually upbeat and sunny - hope radiates throughout just as Radiation zeros in to kill the cancer cells!!  

When the kids/grandkids call or come over, or one of his brothers/sisters calls, he picks up and there is a spring in his step for a few moments.  Then...back to this really quiet man.  Yes, John has always been a quiet man (one of my favorite John Wayne movies is "The Quiet Man" a quiet Irishman!) but of late he'd totally become more talkative and interactive, laughing & just alive!   That's why since last week it's been difficult to watch him become so non-responsive and quiet!   It's a different quiet than what I'm use to in my man...I'll think about how to explain myself at a later time or maybe I have already.  

Here are a couple pictures of my John as he faces loosing his beard of sooooo many years!


    

John having lost some hair on the right side of his beard
where radiation is concentrated.

     After Michelle helped her dad trim his beard!   

He's not lookin' too bad, huh!  My Irishman! 

So, to see his smiling face, twinkling blue/hazel eyes fade whenever we're alone is hard!  He's struggling!   This week's goal is to get more food into him - lost 13 lbs. - build up his strength & energy level so he's able to face the 3rd chemo treatment & the subsequent 7 days of IV fluid treatment with more resilience.  

I take my quiet, meditation time in God's Word and in prayer each day as a priority in my life - without His strength each and every day I wouldn't be able to keep building up John's spirit.  God alone is my strength, my shelter, my Rock and firm foundation - my hope, joy, and peace! 

Well...that's it for today!  Life IS Fragile and not to be taken for granted - Precious that it is!!